Who am I?

     In the past year or so I have struggled with the concept of who I am. It has been a long time since I posted anything. I have changed so much in my walk with God. Sometimes I feel on fire while other times I wonder who I am. I am no longer the young girl who hid behind her hair when I first recorded Glimpse. I am not the young woman who was excited about my future in music during recording of The Heavy and the Holy. The woman who recorded Somebody Save was beginning to explore her own creativity and own who she was. But now this woman writing struggles with who am I? Have any of you struggled with this? I am a mother, child, wife, artist, sometimes chef, sometimes loving, sometimes mean, creative, passionate, new babe in Christ it feels, young, old? So many words to describe myself yet none can define me.
     These past few years have prompted many changes in my life. I was last active in music when I wrote and recorded Somebody Save. This album was special to me because I let my creativity flow and created something. But whoa life started changing and my path was redirected away from Kristyn Leigh Music and into serving others. I accepted my first grown up job at a local hospital as a music therapist. I thought I loved touring and singing but my love for helping others sick and in need was so much deeper. It was not about me at all and 100 % for others. I have been in hundred of hospital rooms with hundreds of patients and families. I have laughed with them and cried with them. I have celebrated with them as they got better and I have held hands with family and sang as their loved ones passed on to Jesus. I found my love and compassion. I saw that life is unfair and complicated but so beautiful. I questioned God often when I sang quiet lullabies to dying children ridden with cancer. I celebrated those who after a long life were going home. And I was blessed by so many who praised Jesus despite their circumstances. This changed me.
    My husband was very supportive during Somebody Save but new changes to us were taking place. We welcomed this new change. A baby girl! Red hair and blue eyes who takes 100% after daddy. To the parents out there, is it not amazing the amount of love you feel for these tiny people? I went from being selfish to selfless. But now I struggle with the who am I? Because my life revolves around this little person.
      After our daughter Liberty was born our family changed again but with our walk with God. I was raised United Pentecostal but felt moved by God to find a deeper relationship. Now attending a baptist church my faith has changed so much. I have found more understand on the love of God and GRACE. Oh amazing grace that saved a wretch like me. I used to sing this song without passion but now I usually cry. I am a sinner saved by grace. I mess up all the time but ohh the revelation I found when I realized the love God has for his children. That Jesus died on a cross because of his love and grace. I feel like a babe in Christ because I am learning so much. I also feel like I am not doing enough to serve others.
     We moved to a new state last year and I transitioned from working mommy to stay at home mommy. Talk about a change. Leaving the job I LOVED and felt like I was serving Gods purpose to staying at home playing dolls. I do feel blessed I am able to stay at home because my child is my heart and soul but I do miss working. I miss feeling like I am doing something. I am doing something though. I am raising and loving a child. But it is hard in the day to day life when I wonder so often who am I? I finish the laundry, cook dinners, clean up the messes again, and tend to the boo boos of a three year old. I hear from other moms who so often wonder this same question. But I know God can move my life any way he sees fit. I have met some wonderful people and the list of friends in Christ has grown to more than I ever thought possible. Because of these changes I have gone back to something I had put down. Music created by me. Music created for God and to broken people. Music that is fun, uplifting, and worship. When I felt I had nothing to give God knocked me upside the head and said uh no. New songs have poured out of my heart. I feel like I am contributing again.
     But who am I? I am still figuring that out. I hope you continue to come with me on this journey. In a little bit I will be releasing my first single since Somebody Save. 6 years later!!!!! Its called Liberty. My daughters name because she brought about change in my love and faith. Liberty in Christ. I am free because of his grace and mercy.